Forced to forget, learning to forgive
by chocotiger
Summary: Bella is in a car accident and can’t remember anything of her life in forks. She can’t even remember Edward. Pieces of her memory come back, but will she be able to love or trust Edward again? Especially when she finds out his secret.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Waking up.

**A/N I have never been in a car accident in which I lost my memory so I don't know if any of the medical stuff I write is true. If you know better than me then please feel free to comment and tell me what I'm writing wrong. I will try to put it right! Also, sadly, i do not own Edward, or any of the characters in this story. Thanks, ChocoTiger xx**

When I woke up, I felt funny. My head had a dull thudding sound echoing through it and I could feel scratchy material over my hair. I tentatively stretched my fingers and toes. Nothing wrong there. I moved onto my arms and legs. Everything was fine there too. I opened my eyes slowly. At first everything was just a blur. But then I began to see shapes. People. They were moving slowly. Some of them looked like they were wearing a uniform of some kind, others looked more casually dressed.

Finally my eyes focused, and I saw a group of people standing just off to my left. A lot of them I didn't recognise but I did recognise my mother.

"Mum?" My voice was weak, and croaky, but she heard me and was instantly by my side.

"Oh, darling! You're awake. I'm so glad. I've been so worried!"

And then in the distance "Call Alice. She's woken up at last." Who was Alice? "Where am I?" I asked.

"You're in hospital sweetie. You were in an accident. You've been out for 10 days."

Well, that answered my next question. I noticed a man standing behind my mothers shoulder. I say man, because at first glance he looked older, but when I looked closer I figured him to be about the same age as me. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks and his bronze hair was tousled. I guess if I had been caring at that point I would have said he was handsome.

He noticed me staring and slowly walked round to take the hand my mother wasn't currently patting. But his hand didn't feel right and so I pulled away.

"Bella?" His voice sounded musical. "Bella, it's ok. You're safe. Carlisle is looking after you. And Alice will be here soon." That name again. It stirred something in my memory. "Bella? Are you ok honey?"

I frowned. Why was this man I didn't even know calling me honey?

"I'm sorry. But who are you?" I whispered.

I watched as his facial expressions went from relief to pain and concern.

"What is she talking about? Bella, it's me, Edward."

Now I was even more confused. I was sure I didn't know anyone called Edward.

"Am I supposed to know who you are?"

"Sweetie." It was my mum who spoke now. "Edward is your boyfriend."

As I looked into his eyes I searched for something I could recognise. Something that I would remember. But there was nothing. I couldn't remember who my boyfriend was. What on earth had happened to me?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Greetings

I was packing my things into the duffel bag my mum had given me. It was really touching to see all the things people had bought for me. All the get well cards and presents. It was just a pity that most of them were from people in forks and so I had no idea who they were.

Since I had been here I had had many visitors, but my mum had stayed with me the whole time, to introduce me to them. I had seen my dad, who I of course knew, but I wasn't very familiar with him. Apparently I had moved to forks two years ago, but considering I couldn't remember anything that had happened within those years I didn't feel like I knew my dad. (**A/N. I think these dates are right. This story starts at the end of Eclipse, and she can't remember anything from when she moved to Forks. Sorry about that.**)

Mum had told me about how I had moved out because I had wanted her to be with Phil. She had offered, of course, that I could come and live with her again. But I didn't want to be a burden. She had a life of her own. A life that didn't include me. I knew I had to go back to Charlie's, but even as I resigned myself to this fate I felt like crying. I didn't want to go to a town where everyone knew me but I didn't know any of them. I felt the tears welling and I blinked a few times and sighed. There was no point crying about it. I had to do what I had to do.

As I stepped out of the room that had been my own for the past 3 weeks I looked back. I had made the bed, tidied the table and turned off the TV. As I stood there I felt a sense of loss. This was the one place I had been safe from questioning glances and rude whispers. And now I had to face the big wide world. Still, at least I didn't have to go back to high school. Apparently I had passed with flying colours, and considering all the information was stored in my brain, the doctor had said it would only be a case of triggering it by going to a few sessions on all my old classes. If only it was that simple with Edward.

He had been worrying me from day one. He had come to visit me every day and left me all sorts of presents. Every day I had seen his eyes fill with hope and then dull as he realised that I still didn't know who he was. Every day I had watched him get more and more depressed as he gradually realised that I might never remember him.

I walked out of the hospital to be greeted by the piercing sun and a group of people, who upon seeing me, cheered and waved. I recognised my mother and started towards them, only to have the wind taken out of me by a small girl with pixie-like features. She hugged me hard and then took a step back.

"Oh my gosh Bella!" Her eyes filled with tears. "I am sooo glad your ok! If anything would have happened to you… God! Edward is soo…"

"Now, Alice." His voice made me jump. In being captivated by the small girl in front of me I had failed to notice Edward approaching us.

"I know, I know. She doesn't remember me. But that's ok. She's going to love me. We are going to be best friends, just like we were before. Aren't we Bella?"

I stared at her and I felt a smile spread across my lips. I didn't know what it was about her, but I already liked her. She was right. I was sure we were going to be friends.

xoxo

My room was strange. It was weird seeing the pictures of me and my friends doing things that I couldn't remember doing. Going to places I didn't know I'd ever been. I was sitting on my bed when a knock on the door startled me. It was my dad.

"Hey Bella. Someone's here to see you. Should I let them up?"

"Sure, go ahead."

I waited in nervous anticipation. Whoever it was I wasn't looking forward to meeting them. I heard footsteps and the door opened, showing me a girl who must have been about my age.

"Hi. I'm Angela. We went to school together. I was one of your close friends." She seemed nervous which surprised me. But she seemed nice enough so I invited her in. We got on really well and talked for about 4 hours. She caught me up on everything that was going on and I told her what it was like to lose your memory. She told me about Edward and how in love we'd been. One thing she said caught my attention in particular.

"Bella, you and Edward. You were special. You were going to… Look. I don't want to say too much. But you really have to talk to him. You guys were really close. You were a shining example of true love. And a lot of people would hate to lose that."

"But Angela, I don't know how to feel about him. I don't even know him, and I'm supposed to be in love with him? I mean, I've barely talked to him, but what if I don't like him? He seems nice enough, but I'm still really scared."

"Don't worry Bella. You will like him. I'm sure of it."

I was glad she could be so confident. I was having more difficulty believing it. Finally, she said she had to go, and so I walked her downstairs and we waved goodbye. My mum had gone back to be with Phil, but at least now I knew I had one friend, and with Alice, that made two. Maybe being here wasn't going to be so bad after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**So here is the next chapter. I'm really sorry for not updating, but I'm in the middle of my GCSE's and so I don't have much time. However, after this week they will start to slow down so hopefully I will have more time to update. I have left some comments at the bottom, so please read them! Thanks ChocoTiger.**

Chapter 3: A new day

I was sitting in my back garden on a rug, reading Wuthering Heights. I could tell that I had read it lots since being in forks because the spine was practically non-existent. However, I could only remember reading it once or twice when I had been living with my mum.

A shadow blocked the sun from my eyes and I looked up to see Edward watching me. I smiled and gestured with my hand that he should come and join me. He sat down on the rug next to me and began picking at grass stems.

"Hi." He finally said. "I was going to come and see you yesterday but I figured you'd have enough on your plate getting reacquainted with your house."

"Yeh. It was weird. It's obvious that I have done lots of things but I don't remember doing any of them. Angela came over and told me what had been going on in the past 3 years."

He looked at me for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to share something.

"Did she tell you about me?" He asked. There was a hint of something in his voice, but I couldn't work out what it was.

"She told me we were close." And then suddenly last nights conversation came rushing back. "She was going to tell me something else but she said I had to talk to you first. Do you know what she was talking about?"

He looked at me again. I looked back and could feel myself getting lost in his eyes. They were so beautiful. Almost gold. I had never seen eyes that colour before. Well, not that I could remember.

"I'm not sure. She could have been talking about any number of things." He said cautiously.

I waited for a bit. He went back to picking at the grass. Finally, though, I had to ask a question that had been bugging me for a while.

"What did you see in me? I mean, what was it about me that made you like me? And do I still have it? Everyone's been going on about how in love we were, and I was just wondering if you still feel…like that. With me not being able to remember who you are. I mean, look at me. I'm ordinary."

His eyes were sad when he answered. "You don't see yourself very clearly do you?" He sighed. "Of course I still like you. Nothing about you has changed. As for what made me fall in love with you, well, I doubt that you've lost your endearing clumsiness, your blush, and I can see that you haven't lost your love for bad books." At this he gestured towards Wuthering Heights and smiled. "But these are only some of the things about you that I fell in love with. There's so much more, that I can't even explain."

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I'm sorry I can't remember you."

I looked down at the ground and he went back to picking at the grass. Not long afterwards, my dad called me in for tea. I asked if Edward would like to join us, but he replied:

"No. I'm not that hungry. Besides, I promised my brothers that I would play baseball with them tonight. I should probably get back."

"Where do you play baseball?"

"In a big clearing. Over there." He waved his hand in a general direction. I followed the movement and then peered up at the sky.

"It looks like there's going to be thunder and lightening later. Are you sure that's safe?" I asked worriedly.

"Of course. That's how we like it best." He winked and then rose fluidly to his feet. I tried to copy his motion, and of course nearly fell flat on my face. But before I could hit the ground I felt his cold arms around me, lifting me up to face him. We were inches apart, his cold breath blowing in my face. For a moment I was stunned. His breath smelt so wonderful. I inhaled deeply and he chuckled, letting me go softly. For some reason, which I couldn't explain I didn't want him to let me go and I felt my face slipping into a pout. He laughed.

"I'll be back soon. I promise."

As he walked away I couldn't help watching his retreating figure. The way his body looked. How I had ever managed to land a boyfriend so perfect I would never know.

**So. Her first conversation with Edward. Let me know how you think it went and review! In the next few chapters they will become closer, but I don't want it to happen too fast because I think that it would be hard for Bella to trust Edward if she didn't even know who he was. Think about how long it took them to get together in Twilight!**

**I am faced with a dilemma. When I originally started this story, I was going to make it all human, but I have reviewed that fact, and now I am not sure whether to make the Cullen's vampires or not. I would really appreciate your views on this. And keep the reviews coming. I love all of them, even the criticisms. They make my writing better!! Thanks. ChocoTiger. ******


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks everyone for your reviews. They make my day, and encourage me to keep writing. Thank you especially to Edwardshoney who left a really nice review. If you guys keep reading and reviewing, I'll keep writing!**

**This chapter was really hard for me to do, because I wasn't quite sure how I wanted it to go. I'm not completely happy with it, and may have to change some things later on. I will try to make the next chapter better, but I'm having trouble with this story. Of course, it doesn't help that I've never lost my memory! I have a feeling there will be a lot of internet searching for the next few chapters. I am hopefully going to post a new story, but I have **_**loads**_** of ideas, and I'm not sure which one to go for. Thanks for your patience, and I hope you enjoy.**

Chapter 4: Questions

"It's going to take time, but little things can help. Trips to places she went before, meeting people she knew, things she touched, that kind of thing. I have every confidence that she will get her memory back, it will just take time."

I was sitting in the doctor's office. We had just finished a consultation, and once again, she was talking about me like I wasn't there.

"And how long will it take?" Charlie asked. I sighed.

"I really can't say. It could be anything from a few months to a few years."

"A few years…" he whispered, aghast.

"Bella's accident was quite serious and on top of that she is suffering from shock. She may be deliberately repressing something, or she may just be confused. Talking to people to find out what was going on in her life before the crash can help with that. Maybe she was having friendship trouble, or struggling at school, or maybe it was a guy."

My ears perked up at this. A guy… Edward? Had we been having trouble? Was that why I couldn't remember anything? Was I trying to suppress something bad that had happened between us? I needed to talk to him. And fast. I was desperate for my memory to come back. I needed anything I could to help me with that. I stood up. Both Charlie and the doctor looked at me, concerned. Sure, now they notice I'm here.

"I have to go somewhere. Thanks Dr Adelm, I'll see you at home Charlie."

I barely heard him mutter "sure" before I was out of the hospital and at my car. Thankfully I could still remember how to drive; otherwise I would be resigned to going everywhere in my dad's police car. I started the car and got out the map that was in the compartment. It was a map to Edward's house. I drove there, almost getting lost in the process. The driveway was really hard to see because it was so overgrown. I parked and stared up at the house I had no recollection of ever going to. I started up the steps to knock on the door. It was beautiful. Really open and light. Before my hand reached out the door opened and Alice poked her head around it.

"Oh Bella! I just knew you'd come round today. I could kind of feel it you know? Come in."

"Thanks. You need to get someone to see to your driveway. Getting here was a nightmare. I almost got lost."

Her tinkly laugh echoed around us as Edward descended the stairs.

"Bella. Hi!"

He seemed genuinely surprised and I couldn't help but smile at his crooked grin. I noticed behind him that two females and three males were following. One of the females was blonde and gorgeous; the other had caramel coloured hair and was really pretty. Two of the males were blonde and absolutely stunning; the other had black hair and was very muscly. They were all gorgeous. Just like Edward. I wondered absently what cruel twist of fate had made them all beautiful and me…well…ordinary. He noticed me staring at them and introduced us.

"Bella, this is my father, Carlisle and my mother Esme." The caramel haired lady and the older blonde man nodded at me. "My brother Emmett" The black haired boy smiled mischievously at me. "Alice's boyfriend Jasper" The other blonde boy smiled at me "And his half sister and Emmett's girlfriend, Rosalie." She looked me over, turned to whisper something to Emmett and then stalked upstairs. I stared after her, wondering what I had done. I had a feeling we weren't friends, either before my accident or now.

Even though I now knew that most of them weren't really related, they were all eerily similar. They were all deathly pale and had golden eyes. I couldn't work out what would make them all look the same. It unnerved me slightly, but before I could ponder anymore Carlisle was moving forward.

He came over to me and shook my hand warmly. "It's nice to finally see you up and about again, Bella." I smiled.

"So, Bella. Why did you come over here?" Edward asked conversationally.

"Um. Actually I wanted to talk to you. It's about the accident."

I saw him stiffen and the rest of the family watched him warily.

"Ok." He said nervously.

He took me upstairs to what I assumed was his room. It was a big room with a black four poster bed in the centre. I went over to his CD collection, not sure how to start this particular conversation. He had masses and masses of CD's, dating right back to renaissance times.

"Wow. You have quite a collection here. What are you playing?"

I hit play on his CD player and Clair de Lune started playing softly. I smiled at him.

"Do you know, that's the first thing you did the first time you came here." He said.

I was shocked for a moment, before I remembered my quest. I looked down embarrassed.

"What is it?" He asked with all sincerity.

"Look, Edward. I don't know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it. But I need an answer, to help me get better." He looked at me expectantly. "Before the crash, were we… ok. I mean, had we had some sort of fight, or were we upset with each other, or was I upset with you, or mad at you, or something?" I looked into his eyes. They were confused.

"I don't…"

"The doctor thinks that the reason I have lost my memory could be that I'm trying to suppress something. Perhaps something bad that happened before it that I don't want to remember. Do you know of anything like that?" He looked at me, as if deciding what to tell me. "Please. If it will help me get better… You want that don't you? You want me to remember who you are, who we were?" I took his hands in mine and searched in his eyes for an answer.

He paused for a second and then said "I don't know of anything that you could be suppressing. We were fine when the accident happened." He stepped away from me. I couldn't tell if he was telling the truth, but I could tell from his stance that he didn't want to continue the conversation.

"But if something comes to you, you'll let me know?" I asked desperately. My question hung in the air.

"Of course." He smiled a crooked smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.

I stepped back then too. "Well, I'd better be going. I have to get back and feed Charlie. Rumour has it that he isn't a very good cook, and I can just about remember how to make spaghetti bolognaise." I smiled half-heartedly and waved as I backed out of the door. He waved back and watched me retreat.

Edward's Pov:

Why the hell did I lie to her? That was an awful thing for me to do. But I can't have her finding out the truth. If she does, she'll hate me. We can build up our relationship again, and miss out all the things I did wrong. I said horrible things, and it's all my fault. She can never know that. But what if she gets her memory back? Do I want her to get her memory back? Do I want her to remember what we were if it means her remembering that night? God, I need some help.

"Carlisle"

**Let me know how you think that chapter went and please, R&R. Thanks,**

**Chocotiger.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Here's chapter 5. As usual I don't own any of the characters, just the story.**

Chapter 5: Memories.

I was washing my car a couple of days later when I heard a motorcycle. A boy with golden brown skin and short black hair stopped outside my house and hopped off the bike. He looked over at me and smiled.

"Hey, Bella. I brought these for you." He handed me some flowers. "They're from Billy mind, so you can tell Edward to get off my back." I looked at him questioningly and he smiled at me again. "I'm Jake, and I am your all-time best friend. And Billy is my dad."

I shook the hand he held outstretched and then he pulled me into a bone-crushing hug that had me wincing and checking that none of my limbs had fallen off.

"God, it's good to see you. I'm really glad you're alright. I was really worried when Charlie called me and told me about the accident… and then I found out you'd lost your memory. I'm surprised Charlie is even letting you see Cullen…"

I had noticed that. Whenever I mentioned Edward's name Charlie stiffened and when I had told him about going to see Edward the day I ran out of the doctors he practically broke his plate he was clutching it so hard. But when I asked him about it he said it wasn't his place.

"Jake, why wouldn't Charlie let me see Edward? What did he do?"

Jake looked at me in shock, but he quickly masked it and shrugged. "S'none of my business." He said, scuffing his feet. I frowned, but let it drop. I guess I would find out soon enough. I invited Jake in, but he said he had to go. He had to fix a car. I went back inside and began to put the washing machine on. I was just loading it up when I heard a knock at the door. Curious, I opened it to find Edward looking excited. His eyes were bright and his cheeks had more colour than usual.

"I have something that might jog your memory." He stated and puffed out his chest as if he was proud of himself.

"Where is it?" I asked, also now excited.

"You have to come with me." He said.

"But, I just put the washing on and…"

"Washing can wait. Your memory is more important." He said, while he dragged me out of the house and pushed me into his car.

xoxo

He stopped at a dead end road and turned to look at me expectantly. I stared right back. He beckoned with his hand and got out of the car. He began to walk into the undergrowth.

"We're going hiking?" I asked, incredulous. "If I had known that, I would have brought more appropriate shoes." I grumbled mournfully, looking down at my silver pumps.

"Come on!" He called from in the trees.

"Fine." I said, sulkily. "But if I ruin these shoes, you can pay for new ones!" I heard his laugh bounce around me. I scowled.

After numerous tumbles and falls the forest started to let up and I started to see a light.

"Edward?" I called. "Edward, where are you?" I pushed leaves out of my face and finally I broke through the cover, to find the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. I gasped. Even though there was no sun it still looked breathtaking. Edward was standing in the centre of it holding his arms out.

"Does any of this jog any memories?" He asked me. He walked up to me expectantly. I looked round me and then back into his eyes. I was about to shake my head when I saw the meadow differently. **(A.N I have no idea if this could actually happen, but for the purpose of this story it's happening like this.)**

_The meadow was small, perfectly round and filled with wild flowers. The sun filled the circle with light. I walked forwards, when all of a sudden I realised that he wasn't with me. I spun round, to see him watching me from the fringes of the trees._

I gasped. "Bella, what is it? What's the matter?" His hands were on my shoulders, but I could only shake my head. Tears brimmed over and spilt onto my cheeks.

"I remember this. This place. You. And me. You were over there." I pointed to the dense greenery. "And I was standing here, looking at you." I couldn't stop the elation creeping into my voice.

"Do you remember anything else?" He asked. He looked panicked, but at that moment I was too happy to care.

"No. Not yet. Oh Edward! Thank you for taking me here!" I hugged him. He hugged me back, but with some hesitation.

"No problem. Shall we go?" He seemed anxious to get away.

I nodded. I felt closer to him now than I could ever remember. Remembering us in the meadow. It felt amazing. And suddenly I knew what I had to do to get my memory back. By the time I had this epiphany we were back by his Volvo. The only trouble was, I wasn't sure how to broach the subject.

"Edward. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." We were halfway home and I still hadn't had the courage to ask him what I wanted to.

"Nothing." I sighed.

He looked at me quizzically, but didn't question me.

When we got home, I still hadn't asked him. I decided it would have to wait till another day.

"Do you want to come in?" I asked.

He looked as if he was about to answer when I noticed his eyes narrow, as he stared past me. I looked in the same direction. I noticed Jacob's motorbike, sitting in the driveway.

"I don't think so. I'll see you tomorrow."

I was hurt, but realised there was probably a history between him and Jacob. I nodded.

When I got in Jacob was waiting on the couch, watching TV with Charlie. He looked up as I entered and smiled his warm smile.

"Hey, Bells. How was your day?"

"Good. Edward took me out."

I noticed how his smile faltered, and how Charlie's back stiffened when I mentioned Edward. I decided to let it go. That was a conversation that could wait for another day.

"So what are you doing here Jake?" I asked.

He looked sheepishly at me. "Well, I just came down here 'coz Billie asked me to."

"Oh?" This confused me. I hadn't even met Billie since the accident, and he was sending his son to talk to me? It didn't make any sense.

"Yeh." He moved from the couch and I followed him into the kitchen. As if Charlie knew it was a private conversation he turned the volume up on the TV.

"Listen. This so wasn't my idea. And I don't want you to get it into your head that I'm jealous, coz I'm not. But Billie wanted me to talk to you about…Edward. He wanted to know how much you could remember about him."

This conversation just got weirder. "Not much. In fact, nothing at all. Oh!" I suddenly remembered what had happened today. "I do remember one thing. He took me to a meadow, before. But nothing else. Why?"

"Ok. Well, in that case, he wanted me to tell you to break up with Edward." By this point Jake was looking extremely uncomfortable, and I felt really sorry for him. "He said that he's trouble, and he's not the kind of person you want to associate yourself with. He also said that if you're not careful, it will end really badly."

Wow. Well, that was weird. What could Edward possibly have done to deserve this kind of treatment from my dad's best friend?

"Jake, do you have any idea what he's on about?" I asked. I wanted to get to the bottom of this.

"Actually, I do. But I can't tell you. If Edward hasn't told you himself in the next week, then I will tell you. Although he'll probably try and stop me…but I think you deserve to know."

Now I was really confused. There was something dangerous about Edward, but Jake wouldn't tell me what it was, so I couldn't be in immediate danger. And how would Edward know if Jake was planning on telling me? My head was really hurting now.

Jake must have seen the pain on my face, because his face went from stern to concerned in about a second.

"Bella? What's wrong?" His voice sounded panicked.

"Nothing, Jake. I'm fine. My head just hurts. I think I'm gonna go lie down."

"Oh. Ok. In that case, I'll go home. I'll see you soon." He promised.

When I went to lie down, I noticed my computer. And suddenly an idea began to from in my head…

**Hi guys. Sorry that was just a filler chapter, but the next one will be more interesting I promise. I researched Amnesia on the internet to try and get this accurate, but surprisingly there isn't a lot about how people get their memories back…Oh well. I hope her first memory lived up to your expectations, and I will update soon. As always, please, please review. They make me so happy. ******

**Chocotiger.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Discoveries

**There was some confusion with a point in the last chapter. Edward didn't actually walk out into the sun because there wasn't any sun. So at this point in the story she has no idea that there is anything unusual about him. Well, except for his pale skin, golden eyes, cold body and unnatural beauty. Of course.**

**Ok, so this chapter is made up of lots of different bits. It skips from one scene to another, but that's the only way I could think of putting as much information as possible in, as I have. It is definitely NOT a filler chapter, and some things are going to be explained and revealed. It's my longest one yet so I hope that will make up for the lateness, which is explained at the bottom. I hope you like it!!**

Edward's pov:

I was fuming by the time I got home. How dare he? How dare he come to her house and warn her off me? It was like prom all over again. Except this time it was worse. This time, she might actually listen to him. After all, she knew nothing about me. For all she knew, I could be a danger to her. I was. I am. That was why I had let Jacob talk to her, as much as it hurt me, because she had to know that I was dangerous. And make her decision herself. Although how I was going to live if she chose to be without me was another thing entirely.

"Edward, where on earth have you been?"

Carlisle's voice took me by surprise. I had obviously been too wrapped up in myself to hear either his footsteps or his thoughts.

I had trouble thinking back to what I had done with Bella, as thoughts of Jacob still consumed my mind. "I took Bella to the meadow." I replied. That reminded me. What was I going to do about that? She had remembered something, but that meant that at any moment she could remember what I had done. I didn't have a lot of time left.

"And…? Did she remember anything?"

"Yes. She remembered the first time I took her there."

He must have discerned my facial expressions because he said "Well, surely that's a good thing?"

I was grateful that Carlisle was talking out loud, because although the rest of my family weren't in the room with us, I knew they would be listening intently.

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Edward! Surely you want her to get her memory back?"

"Of course I do! If I didn't then I wouldn't have taken her to the meadow. It's just…if she remembers everything, then she'll remember what I am and what I did. She was ok with me being a vampire last time, but she's changed since then. And I can't stand losing her…I can't." That was only part of the truth. What I really didn't want her finding out about had nothing to do with me being a vampire.

"Are you saying you'd just prefer it if she forgot that we are vampires?"

"Maybe it's better if she can't remember who we are. Who _I_ am."

"Edward! Her memory is coming back to her slowly. And if she doesn't remember, then she'll surely guess. She's smart. She knows something's not right. You really want to take the risk of her figuring it out on her own and then doing something rash?"

"No! Of course not! It's just…she finally trusts me. If I was to take that away from her now…explain to her that I'm not human…I don't know if she'd want me anymore." And I knew that if she remembered _everything _about me she definitely wouldn't want me anymore.

"Surely that is her decision to make Edward?"

He was right. I wasn't at liberty to keep things from her.

"In any case, I only have a week before she finds out."

His thoughts were questioning.

"Jacob stopped by her house." My voice was quiet, subdued.

"What did he say?"

"That I was trouble. That she should stay away from me. And that if I haven't told her what I am in a week then he will tell her."

With that I brushed past him and out of the room. I didn't want to discuss this anymore. My days were numbered, and I was going to spend every minute possible with Bella. Before she found out my secret and never wanted to see me again.

Bella's pov:

My night was restless, the dreams shapeless but scary. I didn't understand them, and by morning I couldn't remember them. When I got downstairs there was a note from Charlie saying that he was out fishing, and that he wouldn't be back till late, and he hoped I'd be ok. Great. What was I going to do with my day now? I walked into the sitting room and then stopped.

Alice was sitting on the couch.

"Hi" I said tentatively. She looked up and a huge smile spread across her face.

"You're up! Finally! I have been waiting for ages. What on earth are you wearing?"

I looked down at myself. I was wearing a green top and jeans.

"Never mind." She said quickly. "_We_ are going shopping…"

xoxo

I looked down at mine and Edward's hands which were entwined. And then I noticed something. I traced the mark that was etched in my skin. It was cooler than the rest of my body. In fact, it was the same temperature as Edward's frigid skin. This surprised me.

"Edward?"

"Mmm." He mumbled.

"Do you know where I got this scar?"

His eyes turned warily to where I was tracing the crescent shape. He looked into my eyes for a second. His eyes were a scorching ochre, darker than I was used to, and made me catch my breath.

"No. I don't. I'm sorry." He turned his face away so I couldn't see his expression.

xoxo

On the second day after Jacob had spoken to me, I finally voiced the idea that I had had in the meadow.

"Edward. I think I've thought of a way to get my memory back."

He was sitting across from me at the piano. He had just finished playing the most beautiful piece, which he had said he had composed for me. It sang of love, and compassion, and sacrifice, and so many other emotions that brought tears to my eyes. It made it even more important to me that I had to remember him.

At my words he turned to face me with one eyebrow raised. "Yes, Bella. And what would that be?"

I moved so that I was standing next to him. I lifted his hand and interwove my own. He looked up at me puzzled. I took a deep breath.

"I want you to kiss me." I said. My voice shook a tiny bit. I couldn't remember ever kissing a boy before, and this was quite nerve-wracking. I looked into his eyes, and saw longing in them.

"Bella, are you sure?" He asked.

"Yes."

And I leaned in to capture his lips with mine. It was a short kiss, but it robbed me of my breath anyway. I reached to tangle my hands in his hair, and he pulled me closer. But it was over way to soon. He pushed me away, gently but firmly.

"That's enough Bella." He said. His tone was disapproving, but I didn't understand why.

At first, the memories didn't come, but when I went to bed at home, they slowly crept into my mind. Me and Edward kissing on a bed, kissing in a forest, kissing in a garage. Some of then didn't make sense, and in all of them Edward was the one to pull away first. In some of them he spoke, but the words were lost in the dreams.

I woke up feeling better. I could remember part of my life and that left me feeling good, but that day I didn't hear anything from Edward. It was a sunny day, and I sat in the garden awaiting his approach that never came.

I was walking around the supermarket on Sunday. It had been 2 days since I had seen Edward. I hadn't seen him at all since the kiss. It worried me. Had I done something wrong? Had it not been as magical for him as it was for me? Was it not how I used to kiss? It had also been 4 days since I saw Jacob. In three days I would know what Jacob wanted to tell me, and that would probably help with my memory. The only thing was, that Jake was going to tell me something that might put me off Edward, and I think I was already falling in love with him. Well, before he did his disappearing act. I sighed, as I pushed the trolley around to fruit and veg. And then I stopped dead. There was Alice, Emmett, Jasper and Edward. They were standing by the ice-cream, and had an empty trolley. I sucked in a breath, and walked straight past them. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice nudge Edward. He turned to face me.

"Hi, Bella! We weren't expecting to see you here." Said Alice lightly. I wasn't looking at her though. I was looking at Edward. He was regarding me with the same wariness.

Alice looked between the two of us and then shoved him forwards. "We'll be by the bread if you need us." She exclaimed, and with that she linked arms with Jasper, grabbed Emmett's arm and steered them both away.

I looked away from her graceful retreat and back at Edward.

"Hi." He said. He attempted a smile but when he saw my expression it faltered and died on his lips.

"Where have you been?" I asked. "I missed you. I mean, one minute, we're…" I faltered. But I took a deep breath and carried on "kissing and the next, I don't hear from you for two days."

"I'm sorry." He said. He did look sorry, too. His eyes pleaded with me to forgive him. And how could I resist those eyes?

"Where were you?" I asked. I wasn't ready to forgive until I had more information.

"I, uh…went camping with my family." He sighed. "I didn't want to leave you, but when I got home Carlisle said we had to leave immediately. I'm sorry. Had I known earlier I would have told you."

"And I suppose a phone call was too much to ask?" I asked sarcastically.

He smiled apologetically. I walked on ahead and grabbed some frozen peas.

Just then Alice appeared with Jasper close behind her. "Have you resolved everything?" She said meaningfully, looking at Edward. He nodded once and then looked away. This confused me, but like so many things lately I let it drop.

I looked at my watch and groaned. I was late, I still hadn't paid for my items, and the queue was really long…

"What's the matter?" Alice asked.

"I'm late and look at the queue! And I still have to get petrol for my truck."

"That's ok Bella. We will pay for your things, you go and get petrol and we'll meet you outside." Alice answered.

I dashed out of the supermarket and hopped in my car. I drove it round to the petrol pump and filled my truck up. Then I drove back round to the supermarket and got out of my car. That was when things got weird.

I saw Edward waiting for me. In his hands he had my shopping. He was on the other side of the road to me, and he was looking across at me. Just as I was crossing the road I heard Alice shout "EDWARD!" and then he wasn't there any more. I felt something slam into me and all of a sudden I was on the floor with Edward on top of me. I saw out of the corner of my eye a lorry come to a screeching stop.

"Bella, are you ok?" Edward asked anxiously.

"How did you get here so fast? One minute you were over there, the next you were here."

He looked into my eyes for a long moment, before finally whispering "Not here. I'll tell you this evening, ok?"

I wanted answers now, but as soon as I looked into his butterscotch eyes I knew I would wait.

"Ok." I breathed.

"Is everyone ok?" The driver of the lorry said. He was looking at me and Edward. The latter had hoisted me up, and was clutching me to his side. I nodded, and Edward let go of me. My legs shook but I was stable, and so I crossed the road to collect my groceries. Edward handed them to me but said, "I'll drive you home. You're in shock." I didn't argue.

He dropped me off at home and then got into Alice's car. (she had followed us home, to give Edward a lift.)

He had told me on the way that he would pick me up tonight and he would tell me everything then.

I got into my house, put Charlie's tea in the oven (this was what I had been late for) and looked around for something to do that would take my mind off Edward and his supernatural powers. And then I remembered what I had been planning to do to help me get my memory back.

I was sitting in front of my computer. My fingers tapped impatiently as I waited for the page to load. As soon as was possible I clicked on the internet. My next move was to go to my history. I brushed past the most recent things and went to the older entries. Something caught my eye. Vampire A-Z. That was weird. To my knowledge I wasn't into vampires. I wasn't fascinated by them. From what I could remember from Dracula (I had read it in school when I had lived with my mum.) I was seriously creeped out by them. All that talk of blood got me seriously queasy. So what was I doing searching them on the internet? I decided to check out a few of the vampires listed here.

Suddenly I remembered some of the things I had noticed about Edward. My subconscious clicked the two together before I did. Edward's cold skin, his incredible speed, his pale face. And I knew I was right. Something in my mind told me that I had come to the correct conclusion. Edward was a vampire. And I wasn't shocked. I had this weird feeling that I had been here before. That I already knew that he was a vampire. And that calmed me somewhat. I couldn't imagine how I reacted the last time. When I didn't have this sense in my gut that it was all ok. But I knew that if I had got over it last time then I could get over it this time.

I decided to go and see Edward. I had to. Even though I already knew what he was, I had to know why he had kept it from me. After all, what relationships work without trust? So I set off to his house.

**Hi guys. Sorry about the wait. I was planning to update before I went on holiday, but this chapter wouldn't come out right, so I decided to leave it for a week and come back to it. And sure enough I managed to finish it. Woo! I'm still not happy with it but it's got such a jumble of things in it and I wanted to get it out to you guys as soon as possible.**

**I didn't put the whole of Alice and Bella's shopping experience in because it was kind of irrelevant, but if you want to read it then leave me a review telling me that and I may put it up with the next chapter.**

**I know that History's on the computer don't last that long, but to make my story work I had to pretend that they do.**

**I'm getting close to the end of this story; there are about 3 more chapters left. If I could get 100 reviews that would be great. I reply to every review and I will give every reviewer a special mention at the end of this story.**

**Thank you to everyone who does review and your support is great.**

**Hope you enjoyed it. R&R.**

**Chocotiger.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Edward reveals

**It's much easier to write if I know people are enjoying my story. And the only way I can know if you guys are enjoying it is if I have reviews. That was basically a subtle way of saying PLEASE REVIEW!! :)**

Bella's pov

As I was driving to Edward's I kept on getting flashes of my past. Edward and me at school. Edward and me at a restaurant. Me in a ballet studio with another man. His eyes were blood red and I shuddered away from that image. I tried to concentrate enough to drive, but the memories were overpowering and I pulled over. After all, I didn't want to be in another accident. I rested my head on the steering wheel, and forced myself to order the memories. When I had got a hold of myself I started the car up.

I drove more carefully now, concentrating on the road rather than the memories. I still almost missed the turning into his house. As I parked I heard a beautiful melody from a piano inside the house. I got out of the car and listened. It was so complicated I was convinced that it couldn't be played by one man. But then I remembered who I was dealing with here. It also sounded like whoever was playing it felt all the emotions that ran through the piece. Whoever had composed it obviously felt passion in an unusual way.

As I was standing there I almost forgot my fury at his secret. I took a step forwards, still lost in the music, and then it stopped. It wasn't the end. The player had just paused. My senses came back and I remembered I was supposed to be furious. So I squared my shoulders, stood up straight and marched up to the door. Before I could ring the bell it was opened. Alice stood there looking ashamed. About what I did not know. She smiled tentatively at me but I eyed her with a cold glare. She opened the door and led me through the house. I realised that the playing had started again and we were getting closer to it. We rounded a corner and there sat Edward, his hands at the keys of the most exquisite piano I had ever seen. I gasped when I realised it was him that was playing. However I didn't have long to revel in this piece of information because as soon as I entered the room he stood.

"Bella." He also looked shame faced. Remembering my original quest here I stalked up to him and looked him in the eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked. My voice was a lot calmer than I felt.

"Bella, please…"

"No, Edward. You don't get to ask me anything. You _lied _to me. How could you not tell me?" To my dismay, my eyes started to fill with tears.

He looked towards Carlisle and Esme, who I now realised were standing at the edge of the room. Carlisle wore an expression of sorrow.

"I'm sorry Bella. I thought it would be better if…"

"If what? If I didn't know that you were…that you were…" I struggled over the word. "If I didn't know what you were? You realise that since I figured it out I have remembered loads? This could have _helped_ me. What's the matter with you? Are you just unbelievably selfish? Or is it that you didn't want me to remember? Because I've got news for you. I don't care. I don't care what you are. Just like last time. But I _do_ care that you hid this from me. How can I trust you now?" A tear tracked down my cheek.

He reached up to brush it away, but I stepped back, out of his reach. And then I turned on Alice.

"Alice. We were friends. Why didn't _you_ tell me?"

"It wasn't my place."

"So you'd rather that I went blindly into a relationship with a vampire?" I managed to choke the word out. "You think I wanted that? You should know me."

"I'm sorry" She whispered.

I turned back to Edward.

"I have to go. I can't. I can't do this."

I turned and practically ran out of the room. Tears leaked out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I wiped them away but more fell in their place. I had to get out. I didn't want them to see me cry. I opened the door to my car and jumped in. I leant my head on the steering wheel and let the sobs take over. I was there all of two seconds before I heard a rap on the window.

I looked up, startled. Edward's perfect face looked back at me. I opened the door slowly, and looked down. I couldn't look in his eyes. "I didn't want you to see me like this." I said as an explanation for my hurried departure. He nodded.

"You can't drive in this state. I'll take you home." Was all he said. I didn't have the strength to say no. I moved over as he got in.

We were half way to my house when he talked for the first time. "I don't know why I didn't tell you. I was so afraid. When you found out last time you were already so in love with me that it didn't matter to you. I don't know how you feel about me now. I was going to tell you. I swear. I was just going to wait until I was sure of your feelings for me. And yes, I am aware of how selfish that sounds. But I wasn't prepared to lose you. I understand if you never want to see me again, but you have to understand that I was doing what I thought was best."

"I do want to see you again." I said in a small voice. "No more secrets though, ok?"

"Ok." As he said this he looked away, so I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

After another moment's silence I asked timidly: "Will you tell me everything? About being a vampire, I mean."

And so he did. He told me all about his diet, his mind-reading ability (and the abilities of the rest of his family), his speed, and his life. I listened, enraptured. And as I listened I began to remember more of my past. By the time we got to my house I could remember everything up until prom.

"Thank you for sharing all of that with me Edward." I whispered.

"That's ok Bella. It feels good. To have you know everything."

"Well, not quite everything. I can only remember as far as prom. Did I ever get you back for that by the way?" I teased.

He chuckled.

"Are you going to stay tonight?" I asked, uncertain. Now that I could remember more I knew that my feelings for him had not changed. I worried if his had though.

"If you want." He said with a small smile. I smiled back.

I reached up on my tiptoes to press my lips to his. It was a slow, sweet kiss. And, as usual, he pulled away too soon.

"Goodnight Bella. I'll come up when Charlie is asleep."

And then he disappeared. I blinked into the darkness, but of course, I couldn't see him. I sighed, and went upstairs into my room.

The trouble was, although I had a lot of my memory back, this gave me a lot of questions. And I was determined to get at least some of them answered tonight.

I opened my window and sat down on my bed to wait. I could hear Charlie wandering around in his room. It would not be long now. I heard the click of the light by his bed. And then I waited. And waited. And waited.

I was waiting for two hours before I gave up. I got undressed and turned out my light. As I lay in bed my eyes prickled with tears. No. I would not cry. And then all of a sudden two cool arms wrapped round me.

I jumped, and then relaxed when I realised it was Edward.

"I'm sorry, my love. I had a family emergency." I rolled my eyes, but I realised he couldn't see in the darkness.

"I don't suppose you'll tell me what it was about?" I asked.

He didn't reply, instead he breathed in the scent of my hair. And then he sighed.

"Do you have any idea how good you smell?" He said instead.

I giggled. And blushed. He stroked my cheek, and then kissed it.

"I have some questions." I said cautiously.

"Mmm?" He said, running his lips up and down my cheek.

My breathing was getting harder to control. I pushed him away, sat up, and turned on the light.

"This is important. I'd appreciate it if you could be serious and exercise a little more self-control." I explained.

"Of course Miss Swan. And what is it you would like to discuss?" As he said this he sat up ram-rod straight, folded his hands in his lap, and raised an eyebrow in mock seriousness.

As I looked at his face he wiggled his eyebrows up and down. I burst our laughing.

He laughed along with me before saying. "Seriously. What questions can I answer for you?"

I had wanted to start with the harder one, but as I opened my mouth to ask, I bottled out. Instead I opted for an easier question.

"What happened to Laurent and Victoria?"

He winced, but answered my question. "Laurent was killed by…wolves" he seemed to struggle over this word "And I killed Victoria."

I started. Edward had killed Victoria? But why?

"Why?" I asked.

He took a moment before he replied.

"She was trying to hurt you. So I killed her."

"Why would she try and hurt me? I'm just a human…" And then it dawned on me. Of course, I could remember that Edward had killed James. Or, at least, his family had. But would that warrant an attack from his friend on me? Instead of answering this question I answered a different one. If anyone hurt Edward, or Alice, or any of the Cullen's would I hurt them? I knew the answer to that.

Edward could obviously see me answering my own question in my eyes, because he didn't answer.

I wasn't done though.

"Did you change your mind?" I asked timidly. He had no idea what was coming, but I was worried he was going to be angry.

"About what?" he asked.

I took a deep breath. "About changing me. Into a…a…vampire."

He froze. Only his eyes moved as they watched my face.

"Do you still want to become like me?" He asked carefully. I knew my answer would change everything for us.

"I still can't remember a lot. But I can remember that I was sure that I loved you. And that I wanted to be with you forever."

"And now?" He asked. His jaw was taut, his teeth clenched.

"I still want to be with you forever. I do want to become a vampire. I'm just not sure I'm ready yet."

"We have a long way to go before your memory comes back." He said, nodding.

I nodded along with him. And then stopped. "But you still didn't answer my question. Did you change your mind? Were you going to do it…you know…before all of this?"

"I was. But if I decide to change you now, we have to wait until you get your memory back."

I sat back on his chest relieved. He didn't expect any more than I was willing to give.

"I wish this accident had never happened." I whispered.

"So do I. More than you can imagine." He breathed into my hair.

"What do you think we would be doing, right now? If it hadn't happened."

There was a long pause before he answered. "I really don't know." I could hear something in his voice, some hint of regret or something. I decided not to question it.

"I have one more question." I said.

"Go on, my love. You can ask me anything."

"Did we… I mean have we ever…" I was blushing a deep red. I wanted to ask, but the words weren't coming out right.

"I love it when you blush. Go on, say it. I promise I won't laugh" he whispered. I looked into his dazzling golden eyes and it whooshed out of my mouth before I had time to stop it.

"Did we ever have sex?"

He forced my chin up with his finger. I had been looking at the bed.

"No." He looked steadily into my eyes. He didn't give me any explanation, but I could guess. He was a vampire and I was a human. It was probably far too dangerous.

It was a relief. I wanted to remember losing my virginity.

And then I remembered something from earlier. "I didn't know that wolves could kill vampires." I stated.

"You haven't seen these wolves." Was the reply he gave. And it was the only one I got that night.

**I wanted to get this chapter out before I go on holiday, so I'm sorry if it's a little short. Originally I was going to put much more in this chapter, but I didn't have time. Oh well, that just means more chapters than I originally planned. :)**

**In the next chapter I was thinking maybe I would do Alice's pov. Let me know if you like that idea.**

**Thanks to all my readers and reviewers. You guys are the best!**

**Chocotiger**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Nothing's ever simple

**Ok, so I didn't get round to doing Alice's pov, but I did do a **_**whole chapter**_** of Edward… I hope that's ok with you. Thank you for the reviews for the last chapter. I'm hoping to get a bigger response for this one. Please, please review, even if it's just to say 'was good' or 'was bad'. I really appreciate reviews and I answer every one. Oh, and I've realised that there will be a lot more chapters than I had first thought, so even more drama to come!!**

Edward's pov:

"You are so dead." Alice sang as I walked through the door.

"I don't know why you seem so happy about that." I grumbled.

"I'm not happy about it Edward." She eyed me. "But you should have told her everything. And I mean everything. You should have told her about your disappearing act, about the fact that you were going to change her, about the fact that you were going to get _married. _About how you…"

"Enough Alice." I spat. I knew all this.

"She's going to kill you when she finds out." She smirked. "No more secrets, ok?" She said in a perfect imitation of Bella's voice. "Ok." She said in my voice. "I mean, seriously Edward, how stupid are you?"

I groaned. I wanted her to shut up. I also wanted her to be wrong, but I knew she was right. I was stupid.

"You know she has a lot of questions for you right?"

"Oh God. What are they?"

"Oh no! I'm not helping you. My best friend just blew up in my face, because of you. She may never talk to me again!"

But even as she said that I saw in her mind her and Bella friends again. I smirked.

"Ok, so she _will _talk to me again, but that doesn't change what you did."

"And you can help me not do anything else stupid. Please Alice?" I pleaded.

"_Fine." _She scrunched up her face and flicked through the next 4 hours.

"You know, she's not happy about you being late." She spat.

"Just keep going." I said.

"Ok, so she hasn't fully decided them yet. But at the moment she's going for… What happened to Victoria and Laurent, and how far have you guys gone." She smirked at me.

_Oh God._ I thought. "I have to go." I said.

"Have fun." Alice called.

I was running before I was out of the house.

xoxo

After I had hunted I felt better. Marginally. I was still scared as hell about tonight. To tell the truth, I didn't even feel like going anymore. But I had made a promise to Bella.

As I walked into my house I heard hushed whispers coming from the kitchen. This was odd in itself. The only time a vampire ever whispered was if they didn't want another vampire to overhear. And then their thoughts hit me.

Rosalie was angry. Emmett was sombre. Alice was fuming. Carlisle was trying to be understanding, but I heard the words he was trying to block out, which told me that he wasn't happy either. Esme was just worried. And Jasper? He was trying to keep everyone's moods under control.

And then I realised what this was all about. Bella. And me. It was funny how those three words came together so often now. Almost too easily.

I walked into the kitchen and everyone stopped talking at once.

"What?" I asked. No-one said anything. "If you've got something to say then just say it." I said sharply. Emmett looked across at Alice, daring her to start on me. Carlisle stepped forwards.

"Edward, we're concerned. About Bella. We feel that she needs to know everything, and fast. The longer you delay this, the harder it will be, and it will severely improve her condition if her memory comes back sooner rather than later."

I looked round at each of them. "And you all think this do you?" I asked scathingly.

Six pairs of eyes stared unblinkingly back at me. But still no-one spoke.

"What's the matter?" I sneered "Werewolves got your tongues?"

Alice gave me a look which clearly said 'stop being a jerk'.

"Edward, we're trying to think about what's best for Bella, and in the long run it will be best for you, too." Carlisle pleaded.

Stony silence. Except for their thoughts. And I refused to listen to those. Anything they wanted to say, they could say to my face. I was getting sick of this.

"I will tell Bella in my _own _time, and you will _not _interfere with that. Do you understand?" I asked them all.

Alice looked like she was about to explode.

"How could you do this, Edward? She's a part of all of us now. She belongs to this family, not just to you. You're so selfish. And you know what? You need to give her a little more credit. If you know her half as much as you say you do then you should know that she _loves _you. God knows why, but she does. And nothing, not even what happened that night, will change that. Get over it, and tell her!" Alice was mad alright. If that little speech didn't prove it, then the death glare she was sending me certainly did.

The thing was, she was right. I should have more faith in Bella. But if she knew the whole story. If she knew what had happened that night... would she want to be with me? If the roles were reversed, and it was her in my place, and I in hers, would I forgive her? In a second. But then, I don't think that Bella can love me half as much as I love her. She doesn't have the capacity for that kind of love. It would eat her up, destroy her by the sheer weight of it.

And that was when I decided being with Bella would be far better than being here. No matter how many questions she asked me.

"I'm late" I said, and with that I stormed out.

xoxo

I stood silently on her windowsill. She had no idea I was here yet. I watched her breathe. She looked so peaceful. I thought about going away again, but decided that she had waited long enough. I silently walked over to her bed and put my arms round her. I felt her freeze before she realised it was me.

"I'm sorry, my love. I had a family emergency." I whispered in her ear. She shivered as my cool breath caressed her cheek. She rolled her eyes. _Uh oh, _I thought. _Here we go._

"I don't suppose you'll tell me what it was about?" She asked

I knew I couldn't. If I told her that the reason I was late was because I had had an argument with the rest of my family about keeping things from her I knew she's flip. _Just trust me, Bella._ I thought. _I'm doing it for you._

While I was thinking about this I unconsciously leaned in and breathed in the scent of her hair. She smelled so good. I sighed.

"Do you have any idea how good you smell?" I said. I knew the reaction this would invoke from her and sure enough she blushed my favourite blush. I stroked her cheek. She had no idea how close I had come to losing that blush. I kissed her cheek, making a pact with myself that I wouldn't change her until she was better.

"I have some questions." She said. I knew this was coming but right now I was distracted because I was running my lips up and down her cheek. I knew I was distracting her as well, which was part of the point.

Her breathing hitched and I smiled. But I had underestimated her self-control, because the next minute she sat up, pushed me away and turned on the light.

"This is important. I'd appreciate it if you could be serious and exercise a little more self-control." She said. I could tell she was annoyed and so I sat up, and raised one eyebrow.

"Of course Miss Swan. And what is it you would like to discuss?" I asked serenely.

She burst out laughing and I laughed along with her. I knew I couldn't put it off any longer so I said "Seriously. What questions can I answer for you?"

She struggled with herself for a second, and not for the first time I wished that I could read her mind. What question was she trying to ask? Was it really that terrible?

Eventually she managed to collect herself and she asked "What happened to Laurent and Victoria?"

I could tell it wasn't the question she had wanted to ask but I answered anyway. I tried to be as truthful as possible, although it was hard, considering she couldn't remember anything about the wolves, and both their deaths were thanks to them.

"Laurent was killed by…wolves" I wanted to stay truthful, but I was afraid that she would see through this white lie. Of course, no normal wolf could kill a vampire. But I wasn't ready to tell her about Jake and his pack. In fact, I thought, he could do that himself. Take some of the heat off me. After all, he had practically threatened me to tell her what I was.

"And I killed Victoria." I said in answer to the second part of her question. I saw the fear in her eyes as soon as I said that. _Damn it. I shouldn't have told her that._ But I wanted to keep as close to the truth as possible. _No more secrets, ok?_ Her words rang in my ears. Well, if I had to keep secrets from her, the best I could do was to give her as much of the truth as possible.

"Why?" She asked. She sounded like she was about to cry.

_Stick to the truth, stick to the truth…_ I cautioned myself.

"She was trying to hurt you. So I killed her." I said this as matter of factly as I could and waited for her reaction. She surprised me. As usual

"Why would she try and hurt me? I'm just a human…"

A human who smells too good. A human who attracts danger like a light attracts moths. An unbearably fragile human.

I stayed silent waiting for her to work it out for herself. I could see when she had.

She had more questions though. "Did you change your mind?" She asked.

I had a feeling I knew where she was going with this, and so I asked "About what?"

She looked terrified, and the only reason I could come up with was that she was worried I was going to be angry.

"About changing me. Into a…a…vampire." She whispered it very quietly, but of course I could still hear her. I kind of wished I couldn't.

I regarded her, wondering how much she needed to know. I settled for asking a question instead of giving an answer.

"Do you still want to become like me?" I dreaded her answer. If she said yes, then she was undoubtedly going to pressure me into changing her, and if she said no, then how were we going to continue?

"I still can't remember a lot. But I can remember that I was sure that I loved you. And that I wanted to be with you forever."

I didn't fail to notice that this was not an adequate answer to my question.

"And now?" I asked. My jaw was tight and I couldn't look her in the eye.

"I still want to be with you forever. I do want to become a vampire. I'm just not sure I'm ready yet." She said it carefully, almost as if she was scared that I would hurt her.

I blew out a sigh of relief. Of course, I could count on Bella to say the right words to put my mind at ease.

"We have a long way to go before your memory comes back." I said gravely.

She nodded to show that she understood.

"But you still didn't answer my question. Did you change your mind? Were you going to do it…you know…before all of this?"

I contemplated the truth against what I wished were true. What the answer would be if I wasn't so weak and selfish. I decided that the truth was better.

"I was. But if I decide to change you now, we have to wait until you get your memory back."

She seemed comforted by this idea, and she lay back across my body.

"I wish this accident had never happened." She whispered.

"So do I. More than you can imagine." And I meant it.

"What do you think we would be doing, right now? If it hadn't happened." This question took me by surprise. What could I say to that? If it weren't for the accident we would be on our honeymoon? We would have made love for the very first time? She would probably be like me? And how would she react to that? Forget it. I knew how she would react. And it wouldn't be good.

"I really don't know." My voice came out thick with emotion. I would probably never get her to marry me now, I realised. It had been hard enough to convince her the first time.

She squirmed under me, and I felt another, more difficult question coming.

"I have one more question." _Just one? _I thought. Instead I said, "Go on, my love. You can ask me anything."

"Did we… I mean have we ever…" She stopped, and I realised she was _blushing._ Now she had me. What question could possibly make her _embarrassed?_ I wanted to be able to read her mind so badly it was painful.

"I love it when you blush. Go on, say it. I promise I won't laugh" I looked deep into her eyes and tried that dazzling thing she said I had. It worked. The words came tumbling out.

"Did we ever have sex?"

She immediately looked anywhere but at my face. I was about to laugh, when I remembered promising I wouldn't, so I clamped my lips together. I forced her face up before answering her.

"No." I said as reassuringly as I could. I knew she would guess the reason, and I wasn't about to tell her that we were _going_ to. When we were married…

And then her face turned from serene to puzzled.

"I didn't know that wolves could kill vampires."

Damn it! Why did she have to be so perceptive? I tried to stick to the truth again, and decided to play on her memory loss. "You haven't seen these wolves." I said. And ironically, it was true.

**The next chapter will have a little bit of Jake in, and a little bit of angst. If all goes according to plan that is. Please click the little button at the bottom and review, but if you don't then I hope you enjoyed it just the same.**

**Thank you, Chocotiger.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Jane

**Hi guys! Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter. They were great! I want to say a special thank you to Edwardshoney, who has reviewed nearly all of my chapters. Your support is great and I hope you like this chapter!**

**I don't own any characters; it all belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer.**

Bella's Pov:

I woke up screaming into my pillow. Again. That was the 13th time this month that I had awoken from a horrible nightmare trembling and crying out Edward's name.

At first he had stayed, and listened to me writhe in my sleep, and help my hand as I gasped afterwards, but I could see how much it hurt him. The pain was there in his eyes, even when he tried to cover it with a mask. So I told him to go. I had to all but shove him out of the door.

But I knew that I could endure the pain of not having him near far more than I could endure the pain in his eyes.

This dream had been different. All the other dreams had been black swirls. Dark cloaks, blood red scarves, and a girl. A girl so beautiful, but her face always contorted, so that she looked ugly.

But last nights dream had been clearer, suddenly thrown into focus, as if I was looking at it with glasses on, when before my eyes had been dulled by the strains of sight.

I had felt so _alone. _In my dream I had been searching for Edward. Alice and Jake had been there but had refused to help me. And all the time I was looking, I had this acute feeling that he didn't want me anymore. And it hurt. It was like a huge hole in my ribcage, where my heart should be.

Had Edward left me? Was this what he had been too terrified to tell me? And there was a word, flung into the blackest part of my dream, appearing from no-where. Volturi.

I didn't know where that word had come from, and even though I didn't know what it meant, it sent a wave of terror through my already chilled bones.

It wasn't a dream. It was a memory. A memory so terrifying that I was sure that I had figured out what my subconscious was trying to keep from me. And even as that thought elated me (because it was the key to getting my memory back) it frightened me, because I didn't want to delve any further into it.

I grappled in the darkness for the phone that held Edward's number. It was not a regular occurrence for me to ring him after the dreams, but after the epiphany I had just had I felt I wanted to talk to him. The screen lit up the room, and I noticed out of the corner of my eye a shadow that disappeared. I shivered.

I dialled quickly. Before even the first ring sounded he answered.

"Bella? What's wrong? Are you ok?" He sounded frightened, and there was a hint of something else. Anger, maybe?

"I'm fine. But I need you here. Now." I said, as my breathing quickened with the shadows in my room flickering.

"Ok." He said. There was a click, as he disconnected.

It took me a while to move my frozen hand away from my ear and end the call. I was petrified. It wasn't only the dream, it was the implications. I had this distinct feeling that something was coming to get me, but I had no idea what.

Edward arrived about 10 minutes later. He took one look at me and pulled me into his lap, whispering soothing words into my ear.

"What's the matter Bella?" he asked.

I cringed into him, and took a few deep breaths, encompassed with his scent. This helped sooth me no end.

"I had a dream" I whispered.

"I gathered. But why was it so much scarier than the others?"

"Because it made sense. It took shape. The reason for them is hovering on the edge of my consciousness…but it's so scary that I'm not sure I want to bring it back…" I trailed away, as I gazed into his topaz eyes.

"Why don't you tell me what happened?" He asked, his voice soothing, and soft as velvet.

I struggled with myself for a second. "There were cloaks. And a girl. With blonde hair, and an evil expression…I kept of screaming at her. And there was a word…" But the word had slipped. The dream was falling to dust in my mind.

"I…I can't remember…" I said frustrated with myself. Now that Edward was here, my irrational panic before seemed just that. Irrational. And I couldn't remember what had been so scary about the dream.

I struggled with myself for a moment, then gave up and sank into his arms. He wrapped them more protectively round me.

xoxo

I was working on my truck when the confrontation came. Edward was leaning against the side, and I was underneath. I had never had any mechanic skills, but I couldn't afford to take it to the local one.

"Damn it!" I cried hitting the underside and immediately wincing as my fist made contact with the metal.

"Ouch!" I whimpered.

Edward was immediately by my side.

"I'm fine." I huffed. He straightened out and watched me clamber out as well. I wiped my grimy hands on my overalls and groaned. I was never going to be able to fix my car, which meant I was never going to be able to drive it again. Edward would be overjoyed. He had been talking about getting me a new car for months. And I had a feeling this argument went way back to before my memory loss.

As I straightened I heard a motorbike. I swivelled and watched a black blob take the shape of Jacob.

I wasn't quite sure how to feel about him. I hadn't spoken to him since he had threatened Edward, but I knew he had good intentions, and we had been best friends before.

I decided to put what he had done behind us, and be gracious. As he pulled over on the curb Edward turned as well, although I knew that Edward had heard him coming, probably even before I had.

"Black." He said stiffly.

I hit him lightly, but I doubted he even noticed.

"Cullen." Jacob bit back. Then his tone changed immensely. "Hey Bella." He said cheerfully.

"Hey Jacob." I almost whispered.

He noticed my overalls for the first time, and wrinkled his nose.

"Bella, where you…trying to fix your car? He asked in disgust.

I nodded.

"But…you don't know anything about mechanics!" He spluttered.

"Thank you Jacob, I am well aware of that fact." I said coldly.

He didn't seem to notice my change of tone however.

"Bella, why didn't you say? I _am _good at this stuff. Stand back and watch the master at work." He cracked his knuckles.

I frowned at Edward. He must have known that Jacob could fix cars, and yet he had let me do all that work…

Now that I came to think of it, wasn't Rosalie a mechanic? Hadn't I heard him say that in a conversation somewhere? And he could do practically anything…

I huffed, annoyed that I had spent so much time and got nowhere, when someone he knew (or even himself) could have done it like that.

By this time Jacob was on the floor, under my car, exactly as I had been a few seconds ago.

Edward hissed. The sound caught me off guard, and I stared at him. He looked back at me and smiled, but I could tell he was hiding something.

I stomped off angrily, but only got as far as the porch when I felt his cool arms wrap around me.

I spun round, but hadn't been anticipating his close proximity, and all of a sudden found it hard to breath. He kissed me quickly, and out of the corner of my eye I saw that Jacob had finished with my car and was scowling at us.

"Well, if you two love birds are finished, I think I'm going to go."

I nodded, trying to speak through my pounding heart.

"Can I have a word, Bella?" He asked me.

Edward tensed beside me and a harsh growl slid through his lips. I looked up at him, worried, but he wasn't looking at me, he was looking at Jacob with the ugliest expression imaginable on so beautiful a face.

"I swear, mongrel, if you tell her anything else…" he whispered menacingly.

"You don't think she has a right to know? Don't you remember saying 'I didn't say I was going to fight fair'? Well, neither did I. And she _does _need to know. About all of it. And if you don't tell her then someone else will. I don't intend to be shouted at for keeping secrets, so I guess it will have to be me."

I whipped my head back and forth between them. What the hell was going on? What were they talking about?

"Don't even think about it. Remember, dog, I can break every bone in your body."

"Bella." He turned to me, eyes pleading. "He's not who you think he is. He's not as good as he makes out. Please, believe me Bella."

I didn't know what to believe. I was shocked and hurt that it looked like Edward was keeping more secrets from me. But could I trust Jacob?

And suddenly I knew who I could trust. I turned to my truck.

"Are you finished?" I said, my voice cold as ice.

He nodded at me. I opened the door and slid in. Edward was about to get in when I locked the doors.

"Edward, if Jacob is right, and you are keeping things from me, then so help me, there will be hell to pay. I am going to talk to the only person I can trust. And if he confirms what Jacob has told me you are in deep. Trouble."

I reversed before Edward could get a hold of himself and raced towards my destination as fast as my truck would allow.

There was only one person I could trust. Who knew everything, and couldn't lie because it was in his nature to be compassionate.

Carlisle.

xoxo

It took me 12 rooms and 5 nurses before I found Carlisle. He looked so stressed that I almost turned around and went away again. But as soon as he saw me he beckoned me in. I tried to be invisible as he finished his phone call.

"Bella. What a lovely surprise. What can I do for you?"

"I want the truth Carlisle. All of it." I knew he knew what I was talking about. He regarded me with age-old eyes.

"I will do my best. What specific questions can I answer for you?"

"I want to know what happened after Prom. I want to know everything that happened. Jake told me…he told me that Edward wasn't what he appeared to be." I saw Carlisle was about to speak so I rushed on. "I don't expect you to say anything bad about him. I just want to know. Please Carlisle."

He didn't answer me right away. He sat down and rubbed his forehead with his hand. Again, I was acutely aware of how stressed he looked.

"Bella." He said at last. "I'm not sure it's my place…"

"_Please, _Carlisle. You know how beneficial this would be to my memory. And Edward won't tell me anything."

"I must admit I don't think that's fair." He pondered for a moment. "So, after Prom, you and Edward were getting along really well. And then your birthday came along…"

Suddenly there was a crash outside the door and a young doctor came rushing in.

"Dr Cullen, we need you immediately. Jane has flat lined."

I gasped. That name… I had heard it before. I knew it. It was terrifying. The woman who it had belonged to inspired fear in me that I'd never felt before.

I followed Carlisle out of the room and watched him go into another, in which a girl with brown hair was lying on a bed. I didn't recognise the face.

Something twisted in my stomach.

If I didn't know this girl then it must be someone else. But who?

Edward wouldn't tell me, and now Carlisle was busy. What were my other options?

I tried again to unlock the case that seemed to hold all my memories. I strained until I thought I would pass out.

And my efforts were not wasted.

Slowly, like smoke creeping underneath a door, I saw a face. Her features were pulled back in a snarl. She had blonde hair, and blood red irises. I realised, with a start, that it was the same girl from my dream.

_Jane. _The name echoed in my head just like the word had from my dream.

And then, just like that, my head cleared and I could see it all. My 18th birthday party. Jasper, lunging for me. Edward, leaving me. Those awful months without him. And then the friendship I had found in Jake. The legends which meant that Jake was a werewolf. The cliff diving. Edward, going to sacrifice himself for me. Because he thought _I _was dead. Those awful moments on the plane, as Alice tried to work out what he was going to do, and how long we had. And then being in Edward's arms again. The Volturi I remembered. The cruel, sneering face of Jane as Edward writhed on the floor. Being free to go home. The promises we had made to each other. And then Jake. Not talking to me. And threatening that if I ever became a vampire war would rage between the vampires and the werewolves.

And suddenly I knew why Edward had not told me any of this. He hadn't wanted to hurt me all over again.

Because it did hurt. It hurt a lot. The grief I had felt when he left, coupled with the relief of his return made my head spin, and I sank onto the floor with the weight of it all. I concentrated on breathing for a few moments. When I thought I could get to my feet I stumbled up and walked out of the hospital.

I had to find Edward. To apologise. And to tell him that it was ok. That I wasn't mad at him.

And then I had to find Jake. To thank him, and ask how we had gotten to be such good friends.

Alice's Pov:

My brother really needs to give Bella a little more credit. He doesn't know what I know, and he refuses to delve into my mind these days, for fear of seeing something that he won't like. But I know she'll know it all eventually. Whether he tells her or not.

It's really frustrating. I love Bella, so much. But I can't tell her any of what happened, because I'm afraid that Edward would literally rip me to shreds and burn the pieces. After the accident, it was like before, when he left. He was so distant from us all; I thought we were going to lose him all over again. And then she pulled through.

I don't know what he looked like when she opened her eyes, but I can guess at the relief. But she couldn't remember him. She couldn't remember any of us.

He saw it as a second chance. A chance to right the wrongs he did last time. He should know that Bella can't be used like that. For one thing, she's far too smart. And for another, it's not fair, using someone else just so you can forget the mistakes you've made.

We all make them, and we all have to live with them. There are no second chances. I know that better than anyone.

When she figures it all out, I just hope she's not too mad at him. I couldn't stand to lose her. I've already lost her so many times. It's not fair. Edward thinks he's the only one in this relationship.

He needs to realise that we all love her too. Maybe not as much. But just as deep.

**I hope you guys liked this chapter. Let me know what you like and don't like about this story, and I'll try and improve. Also, you can let me know what you want to happen and I can try and incorporate it.**

**I reply to all my reviews, so please click the button at the bottom.**

**Thanks.**

**Chocotiger**

**xx**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Thank you's

**Hi! So, here is chapter 10! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. There is going to be one more chapter after this, and then this story will be finished! I'm sorry if this chapter isn't as good as the others, but I have been rushing to try and get it out to you guys as quickly as possible. The next one may not be for a while, because it's the last one and I want to get it just right. Also, I haven't quite figured out what is going to happen. Sorry to disappoint, but it will be out as soon as I can manage.**

"Hi. Can I come in?"

"Of course! Hang on one second."

I heard him stuffing things away, before opening his door and letting me in.

"So…" He began.

"I know. I know everything."

"How?"

"Carlisle was going to tell me, when suddenly he was called to help a girl called Jane. I guess that's what really did it. When I saw her face, it was like instead of seeing her face I saw _her _face. You know?"

He frowned, but nodded his head.

"I came straight here. I wanted you to know, I'm not mad. I understand why you didn't tell me. It was awful." I added the last part in a whisper.

He took me in his arms and I rested my head against his shoulder.

"I love you." I whispered. "No matter what. I love you."

"I wish I could have been there. I hate to think of you going through that alone."

"I want you to tell me everything else. I don't want any more secrets between us. I really need to know. I'm almost back to how I was."

He leaned back, and his face was pained. I traced the lines of his frown with my fingertips. He looked so beautiful, just standing there, that again I wondered how I had managed to captivate the attention of such a supernatural being. He was awe-inspiring. He made me want to believe in everything that was good about life.

"Tell me." I whispered. "What's the matter?"

He caught my hand between his own, and kissed it.

"Nothing, my love. I'm just not sure how you will react. But I will tell you everything. I owe you that much. And I am sorry. I know I should have expected you to be ok, but I didn't want to burden you any more than necessary."

So he told me. Once I knew it only made my resolve stronger, that I had to speak to Jake. After all, it was thanks to him that I was in one piece after Edward left, and I wanted to check everything was ok after he ran away. Was he just here because he was worried about me? Is that why he had come back? And would he go away again once I got my memory back?

xoxo

It was the next day when I finally got to Jacob's house. He answered the door with a massive grin on his face.

"Hey Bells! So, your leech let you come and say hello. Very nice of him." He said this in a cheery voice, but behind that I could hear pain.

"Jake. I just wanted to say thanks. If it wasn't for you pestering Edward I would never have remembered everything. He may not see that as I good thing, but I certainly do.

"I also want to say thank you for being there when he left. You helped to keep me whole, and without you I wouldn't be here. It was fun. And thank you for standing by me when Victoria attacked. It was really sweet of you, considering where you were with your feelings for me. So, thank you."

"No problem Bella. I'd do anything for you, you know that. So he told you everything did he?"

"Well, mostly. He told me everything up to the time when we told Charlie we were engaged."

"So he didn't tell you past that."

"No. I asked him not to. I thought I had plenty to handle. The accident can wait for another day." I smiled.

To my relief Jake smiled back.

"So, wanna come in? I was making brownies before you came. Although I think I might have put too much cocoa powder in…"

I laughed. "Sure. I think I can handle brownies."

I felt a lot better now. Being on speaking terms with everyone was really giving me a high. And brownies always help with that too!

xoxo

I was pacing up and down my room, waiting for Edward to arrive. I had called him, to tell him to come and see me, but now that he was coming, I wasn't sure of what I wanted to say at all.

Just then I heard a muffled thump. I turned round to see him standing on my window sill.

"Hi." I whispered.

"What was so urgent?" He asked. He sounded concerned, but I'd bet any money that he had asked Alice what this was about before he came here.

"I wanted to tell you something."

"Ok." He said.

"I still want you to change me into a vampire. And I still want to sleep with you before I become one. Which, I guess means I still have to marry you. Which I'm fine with. Because I know what I want now. I want you. And I want to do this the right way."

He sat, motionless for second, before a grin broke across his features.

"So." I carried on nonchalantly, even though I was terrified inside. "Where is the ring?"

"Thank you Bella." He said as he picked me up and spun me round, ending the spontaneous embrace with a kiss. At some point he slipped the ring onto my finger, because when I looked at my hand, there it was. Beautiful. Just like him. I kissed him again, but before it could get too heated he pulled away.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" He asked.

"Of course! I want one more thing, though."

"What?" He asked cautiously.

"I want to see Alice. I haven't seen her in ages, and I want to start planning for this wedding!"

xoxo

As we walked into the Cullen house I noticed that there was a piano playing, which was unusual, because the only person who I knew of who played piano in the family was standing right next to me. I looked at him, perplexed, but he wasn't looking at me. He was looking at Esme, who was standing at the top of the stairs with a glowing expression on her face.

"Bella! Edward. How wonderful." She spoke softly, and I had to work to hear her over the tune.

"Esme, what's going on? Who is that playing the piano?"

"Oh, well, it's Rosalie. She was hoping to play the piano for your wedding, and so she was trying out some things. That is, if the wedding is still on. Oh no, Bella. Have I upset you? I didn't mean…" She looked heartbrokenly at Edward whilst my eyes filled with tears.

"No, no, Esme. It's not that. It's just that it's such a thoughtful gesture. I never imagined Rosalie…but of course I would love for her to play at our wedding." I looked over at Edward, to check I had said the right thing. He smiled his crooked smile at me, letting me know that I had.

"Brilliant. I'll go and let her know now." Esme clapped her hands together with joy and raced up the stairs.

The piano momentarily stopped, but soon resumed the piece it was playing.

Edward took me to the living room where Alice was sitting on one couch, and Emmett was sprawled across the other. I gave a small wave in Emmett's direction, which he returned with a huge smile.

"Heyyy! How's my little sis? She is still my little sis, right Eddie?" He said in a casual voice.

"That all depends on what you mean by sister, Emmett." Alice replied for Edward.

"Well, is she still getting married to Edward?"

I nodded.

"Alright! So Edward is finally gonna get laid! Before the accident he thought he only had a week to wait, and he's had to wait all this time! The sexual frustration is palpable, even to someone who doesn't have a gift as good as Jasper's."

My cheeks were burning red.

"That is _it!_ Get up. _NOW!" _Edward roared. I shrank away from him.

"What's the matter big brother? Can't stand people talking about your sex life? Well, maybe if you _had _one…"

Edward charged into him, knocking him, and the couch, over. They wrestled, but I could tell Edward was only playing. At last Edward held Emmett triumphantly in a head lock. "Apologise to Bella, this instant." He said menacingly.

"Ok, ok. I'm sorry." He choked out.

"Good." Edward growled, and he released Emmett, who immediately began rubbing his neck, although we all knew Edward hadn't hurt him that much.

"Now, Alice! I came here to talk about the wedding. We need to sort it out. And pronto!"

xoxo

As we exited the house after much preparation on the wedding scenario, I saw Emmett whizz past us at inhuman speed. He paused for a second by a tree to call out: "Remember Bella, having sex is like paying poker. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. Ain't that right, Eddie?" Before Edward could move he was gone, but his laughter still echoed around us.

xoxo

It was in my room later, that I finally told Edward what had been bugging me all day.

"Something Emmett said, it made me wonder…"

"Don't listen to a word Emmet says." He answered immediately.

"When were we going to get married?" I asked.

He sighed. "The week after the accident. Before it happened."

I nodded.

"Was he right?" I asked timidly.

"Emmett is hardly ever right. And on the rare occasions that he is, he's not 100%"

I pressed on. "Does it…frustrate you? I don't mean so much about the sex thing." I looked down at my hands folded in my lap, embarrassed. "But everything was ready, and now it's almost like starting again. I mean, you had only just adjusted to the idea of me becoming a vampire, and I to getting married. And you were ready to marry me, and I to become a vampire. Now we have to start all over again."

I looked into his topaz eyes, and saw only love. No frustration, no annoyance.

"Bella. I have been waiting for over a hundred years for you. A few months is nothing in comparison. Of course I am impatient to marry you, but as for the other stuff…" I was about to speak when he put his finger over my lips. "Please, don't mistake me. I want you. Of course I do. But I _can _wait. And I have been adjusting to the idea of you becoming a vampire since James. So it's not a big deal."

I smiled, relieved. I leant forward to lay my head on his cool chest.

"You don't have to wait much longer. I will get married to you as soon as it is possible for Alice to arrange." I told him earnestly.

"What about the accident. Don't you want to know about that first?"

"When the time is right. I'll let you know." I leant up to kiss him on the lips.

**Thank you to Abz-Star* who helped me with Emmett and his jokes. :) I really appreciate your support! So, Bella knows everything now! Well, almost. Please review to let me know what you think.**

**Chocotiger xx**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: The last dance

**So! Here it is! The last chapter. Sorry it's taken me so long, but let me know what you think!**

Everything was nearly ready. My mother's flight was booked, all the outfits were done, the food had been organised, and most importantly I was ready. I wanted to marry him. I wouldn't say I was exactly _excited_ but I wasn't petrified.

I had almost forgotten about the crash, when I went to see Jake. I wanted to invite him to the wedding, and I wanted to do it in person. But I was a wimp, and I had had to beg and plead to get Edward to come with me. As I watched his sour face, I wasn't sure it was entirely worth it.

Nevertheless, I _was _going to do this.

"Hey, Bells. It's good to see you." I looked at Jake as he eyed up Edward. "What's the matter? You need a body guard now?" He asked in a mocking tone.

"Edward is here for…moral support." I explained.

"I guess he wouldn't be a very good body guard. He'd end up drinking somebody's blood and then you'd get all upset."

I gave him a warning look. He shrugged at me.

"So. We can't stay long. We have other things to do." I looked over at Edward, who hadn't said a word. He was staring at Jake, the muscles in his jaw tense.

"Shoot, Bella."

"We want you to come to the wedding. I know it's gonna be hard, but I want you there. It won't be the same without you."

He muttered something under his breath.

Edward was looking thunderously angry by this point. He was actually physically shaking. I looked back and forth between them trying to work out what could have caused Edward's anger.

"What did you say Jake?"

"I said, I'm not sure you'll want to marry him after he tells you what he did."

Now I was angry. I was sick of people taking the accident out on Edward. I knew whatever had happened it hadn't been his fault. First my dad, and now this. Well, I wasn't having it.

"That's a bit immature, don't you thing Jake? Why can't you get over yourself? What is this? One last try to get me to choose you, before I become unobtainable? Is that it? Well I'm sorry Jake, but I chose Edward. And I don't blame him for _anything. _I will _never _choose you, because Edward is twice the man you will ever be!"

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted them. Hundreds of emotions flashed across his face. Hurt, anger, betrayal and defeat were just some of them.

Edward was looking at me like he didn't know who I was.

"Jake, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

"I know exactly what you meant. No need to rub it in, Bella." He spat my name, as if it was something dirty. "Just make sure that when that blood sucking leech tells you what he did to you, you won't come crying to me. I think you've waited long enough. Why not get him to tell you now? Or are you afraid? Did you ever think to wonder what _exactly_ his part in your memory loss was?" He bit back. I had to admit. He gave as good as he got.

I was in tears by this time. "You know what? Screw you." And I stormed off. Edward was right behind me, but I could tell he didn't approve. Everything about his walk shouted unhappiness. When we got to his car I turned on him.

"And you can stop it as well. I would think you'd be happy. You've finally got what you wanted. I hate Jake, and he hates me."

Edward pulled me into his arms and I cried onto his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me."

When I lifted my head he wasn't looking at me, but away into the distance. His eyes were sad.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I asked.

"Jacob was right. I think you should hear the whole story before we get married. Before we finalise anything else. I need you to know. Because when you do, you _might _prefer him to me."

Edward's Pov:

We were in her bedroom, sitting on her bed. Charlie was out, so there were going to be no interruptions. I didn't want to do this. Everything in me was screaming, _don't do it!, _but I knew if I ever wanted Bella to trust me again then I would have to.

"Ok." I took a deep breath. Bella could see that I was ill at ease, and she put her hand over mine comfortingly. But it didn't comfort. Nothing she did now would do that.

I felt like a monster. I had hoped this day would never come, that I would be able to keep her in naïve bliss. I should have known better. I should have known _Bella._

The worst thing was that it was going to hurt her. I didn't know how either of us were going to be able to come back from this. I just prayed that one day she might forgive me.

"Jake was right, Bella. It was all my fault. We were arguing, at a party that Alice had insisted we go to. I still wasn't sure that I could take your soul away. It was a week from the wedding, and you were nervous as it was. I was asking you to please reconsider. To change your mind. You couldn't believe that I was considering going back on my promise…

"_I can't believe you would ask me this! Now of all times!"_

"_I'm sorry, Bella. But you know what it's like for me…"_

"_No! I don't know what it's like. That's half of the problem. We are going to get MARRIED Edward. Does that not mean anything to you? My mum taught me to hate that word, to fear it. But I'm prepared to do it for you. But now…"_

"_Bella, don't be like this…"_

"_Like what Edward? Tell me how exactly I am being." She had been pacing but with these last words she stood still and glared at me. I gazed warily back. "You know what? Forget it. I can't deal with this right now. I'm going." She said._

"_Bella. You are not going without me. We need to discuss this more."_

_One look in my eyes told her I wasn't budging._

"_Fine! I guess you will have to come too. But I really don't think we have anything more to discuss. You have made it perfectly clear where you stand."_

_She stormed over to my silver Volvo, and waited for me to unlock the door. When I did she got in the drivers side. I raised my eyebrows, but didn't argue. I could tell she wasn't in the mood. I got in beside her and looked at her. She stared back. I knew this was going to be a long night._

_We drove in silence. I kept looking at her but she refused to meet my gaze and instead stared out of the front windscreen._

"_Bella… Can we please talk about this? Maybe I was a bit rash." She snorted. I could tell what she was thinking. 'Is that your idea of an apology?' "Look, Bella, I love you, and I wouldn't ask you to do this unless I was really struggling with this choice. Surely you must know that?"_

"_Keep your excuses to yourself, Edward." She snarled._

_I held my tongue. I didn't want to aggravate her more with the response she deserved._

_We turned the corner at an abnormally high speed, for Bella's driving. I looked out of the mirror, just in time to see a lorry heading straight for us. "Bella!" I screamed, just before she spun the car so that her side was nearest to the van…_

She gasped, as she remembered.

I wasn't finished yet, though.

Bella's Pov:

"On impact, you collapsed. I had my arms round you, but I think that made it worse. We rolled four times." He whispered, the pain audible in his voice. "I thought I'd lost you. And all because of a stupid argument…" He closed his eyes and swallowed. "You were rushed to hospital, where the whole of my family was waiting. Alice had seen the accident moments before it had happened, and had told everyone. She was almost inconsolable. You were in a coma for 10 days. She kept on seeing different futures, some where we changed you then and there, although we weren't quite sure what the head injury would mean when you became a vampire. She couldn't see that vision too clearly because I was adamant that it wasn't going to happen. She also saw you waking up, and not remembering who any of us were. That vision almost killed her, and obviously it was the vision that came true. She also had a vision that you would never wake up. That Carlisle would have to let you go. It was so awful. You can't even imagine…"

But I could. I remembered thinking I had lost Edward as I raced to save him in Italy. But I understood. It was much worse for him. After all, I was a fragile human, who he had almost lost to his kind 4 times already. And then he had almost lost me because of a stupid car accident.

"But I don't understand." I whispered. "How was it your fault?"

"I should never have let you drive. I should never have started the argument. I should have asked Alice if everything was going to be ok before we left the party. I should have been able to save you."

"But why do Charlie and Jake think it was your fault?"

"Jake knows the truth. I told Charlie that it was me driving. That it was my fault."

"But why?" I asked, astonished. None of this was sinking in.

"Because I was responsible. And obviously I couldn't tell him the real reason, so I made one up."

I nodded. And then I said something that I knew would hurt him. "I think I want to be alone, Edward."

He stared at me for a minute, and then he nodded and walked over to my window.

"If you can ever forgive me, then call me. I love you Bella." He said. I was about to say "Of course I can" but he was already gone.

Now I felt awful. Edward thought I didn't love him anymore. But of course that wasn't the case. I just couldn't deal with all this new information. It was true that with thought Edward could probably have prevented the accident, but if I hadn't been angry, or driving too fast, or even insisted on driving, then it wouldn't have happened either. Of course I didn't blame him. How could I, when I knew what it had done to him to see me in the hospital thinking it was his fault.

I shuddered as I remembered what it felt like to think that you had caused the love of your existence's death.

I decided to sleep on it, and then ring Edward tomorrow.

Only it didn't happen. First of all because I slept half the morning. I was so tired, and Charlie was out all day, so he didn't wake me.

He had left me a note:

Gone out to help Sue with the kids. I'll see you when I get back tonight. Remember to tidy up, because they are coming over for dinner. Thanks Bells. Love Charlie.

So, I cleared up. And as I cleared up I had more time to think. As I cleaned the bathroom I thought about how Edward had always been there for me, through near death experiences, and the best times of my life.

As I cleaned the kitchen I thought about Jake. How was I going to patch things up with him? Why did he have to be so stubborn? And how could I keep both him and Edward in my life without hurting either of them?

When I cleaned the sitting room I thought about the wedding. Was I ready? Could I do it?

And as I cleaned my room I thought about how disappointed Alice and Emmett would be if I didn't get married to Edward.

So, when I had finished, the house was clean, but my mind was a mess. I hadn't figured out the answers to any of my questions. Great. Now what?

Well, now I had to put tea on. I decided to do pasta carbonara, because I knew Sue liked it. I didn't have time to do anything then, because Seth came bounding in with Leah, scowling as usual, behind him.

"Hey Bella! How are you?"

"I'm fine thanks, Seth. How are you?"

"Great." He leaned in to whisper to me: "Leah's in a mood. I wouldn't even talk to her if I were you."

I nodded and looked her over. She looked like she hadn't slept in days, which was probably the case.

The evening was long, and the only comfort was Seth, who was his usual, jolly self. He kept on asking about Edward, and I kept on asking about Jake. It seemed that Jake was waiting to see if I was going to get married. He was also upset after our last conversation.

Eventually the night was over. It was 10 o'clock and I was way too tired to call Edward, even though I knew I should.

The next evening I decided to go to his house instead of phone him. I needed to see him face to face.

When I got there, however, he wasn't there.

"He went hunting." Alice explained.

"He'll be back soon." Esme added.

I thought for a moment, and then decided what I was going to do.

"Alice, I think I need your help."

She obviously saw what I was planning to do, because her eyes lit up, and she said "YES!"

By the time Edward was back I was terrified. What if he had decided I was too much hassle? Or what if dwelling on the accident had made him reconsider changing me? Or what if my plan went horribly wrong?

But as soon as I saw him and Emmett come in, play-fighting, all my insecurities melted away. His honey eyes lit up when he saw me, but almost immediately they dulled down again. I couldn't stand this. I couldn't believe I had hurt him this much.

I walked over to him and stood on my tiptoes. "I've got something to show you. Will you come outside for a second?"

I stood back to watch the shock on his face. He looked over at Alice, but she seemed to be concentrating very hard on something else. Trying to keep him out I realised.

He nodded and followed me through the house.

As we left the front door Alice appeared behind him and gave me a beaming smile and a thumbs up.

While we walked, Edward asked me "What have you done that has got Alice concentrating so hard on remembering the Bible in Greek?" He asked.

"You'll see." I said. It was nice having the upper hand. When you are a human who is in a relationship with a vampire you have to take every opportunity you get.

"Here." I said when we finally got to where we were going. His eyes widened slightly.

"You did this?" He asked.

Before us was a clearing in the heart of the forest. The only light came from the moon, and the trees, which had been strung with glistening lights. Clair de Lune was playing softly from somewhere nearby.

"Well, Alice helped me." I confessed. "But I came up with the idea. I would have loved to do something more…"

"This is fine, Bella. But why?..."

"Shh." I said. I could see he was about to protest when he saw the laughter in my eyes. He smiled his breathtaking smile. I composed my face and took a deep breath.

"Now, please keep in mind that you've already agreed to this, and don't ruin it for me." I said, echoing the words he had used what felt like an age ago.

He looked at me, stunned, lost for words.

I bent down on one knee.

"Now, I know this isn't conventional, but there's not much conventional about you and me now, is there?"

I looked into his warm golden eyes as I said the last bit of my speech.

"Edward." I took a deep breath. After this, there was no going back. "I've been a jerk. I've been selfish, and stupid. I've made you wait, and I've put you in really awkward positions with regards to my mortality. So, from here on out, no more. No more pressure on you. You can change me if and when you like. But I do know one thing. I love you. So much. All the stars in the sky mean nothing when I am with you. You eclipse the sun, you're my own personal moon, and I know that whatever life, vampires, or Charlie throw at us I want to be with you always. So, Edward," by this point I was crying. "If you can forgive me, will you do me the honour, of marrying me?"

He stood completely still for a moment, and then picked me up, and began to kiss me. "Yes. Yes. Yes." He said over and over again, in between kisses.

All of a sudden he stopped and looked me in the eye.

"Would you please dance with me?" He asked. His voice sang with such love and his eyes shimmered in the light with adoration. How could I refuse?

So we danced. We danced like we were the only two people in the world, and like this moment would go on forever. And you know what? In this little clearing, that would always be true.

**Ok, so I have a couple of things to say. First of all, I imagined that Breaking Dawn would carry on from this point, exactly how Stephenie Meyer wrote it. So, no sequel. Secondly, I imagined where they end up dancing to be where their house is built.**

**Thank you so much to all my lovely reviewers. You have made this story much easier to write. As promised here you all are:**

Music of the wind

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:)

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-X-X-TEAM-EMMETT-X-X

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**(Sorry for any mistakes!)**

**Those of you who reviewed more than once I want to say an extra special thank you to. It's nice to know that people keep going with your stories! And I will try and get round to looking at all of your stories as a thank you :)**

**Thank you so much for all your advice, kind words and criticisms, and I hope that you will all check out any other stories I write. :)**

**Love, Chocotiger xx**


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